I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
