Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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