She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Is it penis luge time yet?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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