it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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