also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
