No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
