So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
