Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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