I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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