Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
