two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
