i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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