We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize