she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
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