mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
