Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
