Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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