Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
