I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
