mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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