yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
