I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
