I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
