my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
