This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
