If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize