you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
