also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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