I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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