I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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