I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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