I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
smell my finger.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
