So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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