He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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