guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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