when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
