If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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