I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
