On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
