Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
