Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
