I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
