what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize