I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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