Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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