You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
