Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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