I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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