I must be too annoying 4 u.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
The air taste purple.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
