i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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