Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
