I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
