Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Randomize
