I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
this is an emotional support booty call
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
