wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
