Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
