Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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