It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
