I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
