I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
