Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Randomize
