I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize