so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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