peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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