after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
