Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
