I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
soo... how was my night?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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