No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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