Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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