hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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