My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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