Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The uberlube is also flammable
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
