The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
