Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
