I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
